I posted this list on Twitter in a scattershot manner earlier. Some people (Lucy) complained that they somehow missed big parts of this list. So here you go.
You might be a wiener woodworker if:
- You call yourself a “master” woodworker without the documentation.
- You write and talk about yourself in the third person.
- You name simple jigs and processes after yourself.
- Wear a cape around town.
- You have used the words “epistemological” or “hegemony” when discussing woodworking.
- You name your finished pieces like Roman goddess + fancy verb + graduate thesis word + a number. This taco corral is titled: “Vester Remediates the Oligarchy No. 4”
- You demand that your apprentices brush your teeth.
- You relish every chance to talk about the difference between “art” and “craft.”
- You have more T-shirts in your web store than furniture pieces.
- Your “formal apprenticeship“ was a weekend pen-turning class.
- “Old-world craftsmanship“ is just the nickname of your narrow-crown stapler.
- The only two things you’ve ordered from Rockler are hairpin legs and pourable epoxy.
- You own more beard wax than beeswax.
- “Every piece is built one at a time” because, well, you’ve only built one piece so far.
- Your clients (mom and aunt Hazel) come from all over the globe (Paris, Kentucky, and Rome, Georgia).
- There are honest-to-God un-ironic jars of glitter in your shop.
- Your business card features two of these terms: bespoke, artisanal, handmade, crafted, maker, “and wedding DJ.”
- Your headshot on your website features more naked skin than flannel.
- You have more tattoos than router bits.
- Your workshop has a logo but no insurance.
— Christopher Schwarz