The End of the Sparklepony Era?


A couple weeks after starting to wreck the interior of The Blaze bar in 2015, I had a moment where I thought I should go see the doctor.

This is embarrassing and personal, but there’s only one way to say it: My night soil sparkled.

After a few anxious moments, I made the logical conclusion that I was taking in too much glitter during the demolition. You might think I’m exaggerating, but every painted surface was covered in glitter. It would become airborne – weaponized glitter – as I tore out the painted walls, floors, tiles and bars that ringed all of the rooms.

I wore a mask when I could, but it must have sneaked in through the beard, into my saliva and then, like Raquel Welch, coursed through my entire being.


Today, 18 months after taking ownership of this building, we hauled out the last of the glitter-covered tiles from the utility area at the back of the building.

I won’t say that we are free of glitter (it’s like herpes don’t ya know) but we have no more active glitter-containment protocols. No more glitter Superfund site. It’s been (I hope) remediated.

— Christopher Schwarz

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Publisher of woodworking books and videos specializing in hand tool techniques.
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17 Responses to The End of the Sparklepony Era?

  1. bsrlee says:

    Optimist. About the only way you will be truly rid of glitter is to demolish the building while it is wrapped in plastic then remove the first 6 feet or so of soil over the entire block plus footpaths and road outside and have it replaced by fresh material that is glitter free. Glitter is the closest thing to pure evil I have come across. If you want nasty, think a small child opening a packet of glitter in a fabric store and spilling the contents – years later you still find glitter on the wool, linen and cottons, its not so noticeable on the lycra and shiny bridal and dance fabrics (I do costuming among other hobbies)

  2. Out of all your most excellent posts, this just might be my favorite so far. May your night soil sparkle like the ocean at sunset…

  3. kendewitt608 says:


  4. “My night soil sparkled” is a beautiful phrase that fills me with glee

  5. Jim Messer says:

    After having a birthday party for twenty 7 year old girls in my house, I can say with absolute conviction that the Sparklepony is REAL. Very very real.

  6. Tony Oltmann says:

    My wife and I were married in February 2008; actually 9 years ago today. During the meal, my younger sister put homemade confetti in our car. It was my 1999 GMC Jimmy. In May of that year we moved from our little townhouse to our home. As we unpacked boxes we found confetti had found its way into countless boxes. We have no idea how. It was ubiquitous. The most perplexing was the single piece that found it’s way into a picture frame. That’s into. As in its somehow lodged between the glass and the picture! My sister is not allowed to use confetti…ever.

    All that’s to say: I have no doubt glitter, which is a sub-species of confetti and are both related to ticker-tape, found it’s way into your system.

  7. Mark Fisher says:

    I also do fine photography in addition to woodworking…..if there is one piece of glitter in the house, it will find its way into a framed picture. And glitter has been banned in our household for at least 15 years. I don’t know now or why, but glitter is forever……well unless you consume it, poop it and flush it.

  8. fitz says:

    Jaysus. I’d forgotten how the front room looked. Or I was blocking.

  9. Farmer Greg says:

    I’ve actually been curious what you used for a dust protection during demo, your being bearded and all, and knowing that the “official” protocol is to be clean-shaven when using a dust mask. Which you seem to ignore. As do I, though from time to time I do have a twinge of worry. Do you use something special, or do you just use standard issue masks and roll with it?

  10. Farmer Greg says:

    Congrats on winding up the demo, by the way.

  11. durbien says:

    Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  12. Reblogged this on Journal Edge and commented:
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  13. gilgaron says:

    Bioremediation for glitter cleanup, not a bad idea!

  14. tsstahl says:

    I recently tested some Testors glitter spray paint. I put down large garbage bags on my 8 foot assembly table in the garage. I sprayed at the end by the door.

    This past weekend while hanging a new garage door opener, I found glitter on the top of the rafter boards. All of them.

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