Lost Art Press

Win My Souped-up &%$#%^&* Handplane — a Haiku contest

Posted on by Lost Art Press

When I first dove into handwork, I could barely afford diapers, wipes and formula – never mind a nice Bed Rock or infill handplane (this was before we had premium bench planes).

So I bought all my planes at antique markets and fixed them up using techniques I had to invent for myself – many of them too silly to even mention here.

The point? I had to fix up (and mess up) a lot of planes before I could get my tools to plane anything and everything I put under them. I wasted a crapload of time doing stuff the wrong way. Eventually, however, I perfected my methods after I talked to machinists, fellow woodworkers and abrasive manufacturers to figure out how to do it correctly.

So I know how to tune old planes, not to mention the unmentionable junk from Groz, Anant et al. And earlier this year I put it all down in a DVD called “Super-tune a Handplane” that was produced by Popular Woodworking Magazine.

In this DVD I take an off-the-rack old Stanley plane and tune it to the highest level possible using home-center materials and basic skills. You don’t need to learn to scrape a sole like a machinist. You don’t need special dyes or tools – just stuff you can find at any hardware store.

In the DVD, I cover the following topics:

• How to purchase a vintage plane, including how to identify a solid candidate for restoration using a simple flow chart.

• How to disassemble, clean and de-rust all the parts using completely harmless materials you can find in the canning section of your supermarket.

• How to flatten all the critical surfaces, including the sole, the frog, the back of the iron and the sidewalls of the plane. You’ll need only some belt-sander paper, a floor tile and a block of wood to get results.

• How to decide if you need to upgrade to an aftermarket iron and chipbreaker.

• How to reassemble the plane, lubricate the key components and tune up the tool to take a fine shaving.

• Plus a lot of information on troubleshooting a tool that won’t take a good shaving – information you don’t see very often out there.

• And tricks and tips on planing boards that allow the tool to really do its job.

The plane I tuned for the DVD is a Stanley Type 11, which was made during the early years of the 20th century. This particular tool had good bones but needed a full restoration. At the end of the video, I can easily plane a row mahogany board with crazy interlocked and reversing grain — without tearout.

Tonight I took that same plane downstairs to my shop and put it back to work. It is indeed a super worker. And it took only a few hours of my time to bring it up to this level.

To demonstrate my confidence in the tool, I’m going to give it away to one of our readers in a little haiku contest. To win the plane, all you have to do is write the best woodworking haiku ever and post it in the comments section of this entry. Be sure to include your e-mail and real name – we cannot send you your plane if we cannot contact you. Deadline for entries is noon EST, Nov. 22, 2012.

Note that you will receive the plane with the tool’s original iron and chipbreaker. I use my Veritas breaker and iron (shown in the photo above) in my No. 5, which I also tuned to this level, by the way.

Oh, and if you want the DVD, it is being sold by Popular Woodworking Magazine at its ShopWoodworking.com site. You can pre-order the DVD for $24.99. Lost Art Press will not be selling the DVD, so ShopWoodworking is the best place to get it.

And one more detail, if you order through this link, I’ll get credit for the sale. No, I’m not an affiliate of the ShopWoodworking site or any other site. I don’t believe in affiliate logrolling. So I won’t get a percentage of the sale. But using this link will encourage them to do more DVDs like this one. Just saying.

In any case, fire up your haiku gene and win this plane. I’ll pay the shipping and feature the best haikus next weekend.

— Christopher Schwarz

210 thoughts on “Win My Souped-up &%$#%^&* Handplane — a Haiku contest”

  7. Ok, first off, I’ve been waiting for this dvd to come out and have already pre-ordered. I’m really lookin’ forward to it.

    Second, I hate to bring this up, but .. rules for the haiku? 17 syllables with three phrases in a 5, 7 and 5 word pattern? Etc, etc? Or will it just what’s the best one regardless of how its done? Rules, bah humbug!

  8. grey sky touched tree cut
    swoosh shaping straighter old hand
    time shaves to unknown

  9. The part of Toolchest I skipped through was the one that implied that acquiring one of every size of Type 11 (except the silly #1) was not a noble act of dedication to craftsmanship – my favorite users.

  20. Correction!:
    Grind, hone, polish steel.
    Assemble, thrust. wood is cut.
    Curly fractions fall.

  24. Dust slivers knicks blood
    Stress gives way to joy and pride
    Work will outlive me

  25. Brand new shiny toy!
    Plans for projects fill my mind.
    “How much??!!” Asks my wife.

  28. The iron hath performed
    its duty: beauty. But alas!
    Have I no more clamps?

    a vision fulfilled
    in wood, but still I wonder-
    why am I bleeding?

    1. Saw no way to edit my earlier post so I am adding a couple more haikus through a reply post:

      Once new rusted now
      Sat alone without skilled hands
      Ah rejoice, renewed

      Of horseshoes and hogs
      Old rusty worn frogs
      Nudge, nudge, wink, wink eh!

    1. Correction (spelled Ed’s name wrong)

      Forgotten old tool from Lebetkin’s
      Fixed like new
      Win me with Haiku

      1. Dangit! it technically isn’t a Haiku until I do this:

        Forgotten old tool
        From Lebetkin’s fixed like new
        Win me with Haiku

  42. The plane makes a whoosh
    the shavings are transparent
    my lips form a smile

    I see the clean edge
    I make it soft and rounded
    my heart glows with pride

    oft the beauty shows
    at times the frustrations peaks
    in balance lies joy

  43. This is not the greatest haiku in the world…no…this is just a tribute…couldn’t remember the greatest haiku in the world…so this is just a tribute.

    raking daylight falls
    across a piece of poplar
    that smells like used books

    1. I thought of something else that you need:

      A rough chunk of tree
      Your grandfather’s rusty tools
      And some elbow grease

  50. Dear Mr. Schwarz, Can we enter twice?
    alot like tasty chips
    you can’t have just one haiku
    ————————————————————
    I scour Lost Art Press
    for router tips and shop jigs
    daily – no luck – where’s the sitemap?

    1. There once was a man from Nantucket
      who rived oak to build a staved rocket,
      but he found with annoyance
      that cooperage is no rocket science
      so he went and instead made a bucket.

      (tee hee!)

  61. Anarchy, Anarchy everywhere,
    no death to remain in,
    but the will to create prods
    tree and iron
    to rise from the abyss.

  66. I’m not good with Haiku, but last November, I did write this:
    “How do I love Lie-(Nielsen)? Let me tout the ways…”

    How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
    I love thee to the depth and breadth your tote’s height,
    Your sole can breach imperfections, when even out of sight
    From the ends of toe to heel, you have ideal grace.
    I love thee to the bevel of everyday’s
    Most required need, planning in sun and florescent-light,
    I love thee freely, as I strive to be a woodwright;
    I love thee purely, like my mutton tallow.
    I love thee with a passion for smoothing to use.
    In my old cap, and with my artisan’s faith.
    I love thee with a love like my nail set, I always seem to lose,
    Along with my lost cash, — I love thine heft,
    Frog, sole and blade, for all my life! — and, if I choose,
    My son shall but love thee better after my death.

    Blatantly stolen from “How do I love thee?” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (I hope she will forgive me.)

  67. A plane now for my
    son, have to wait a few years
    for the IPA

    or

    served someone’s grandpa
    and I think it will serve my
    grandchild just as well*

    *this is sort of cheating, since my son is only 2 1/2, but he is craaazy about tools.

    1. Not that I think I will win but if I did I would definitely donate the plane to you, I was crazy about tools at that age and my fondest memories and a lot of who I am today started with the tools given to me by my dad. Not just the use of his but him giving me things to consider all mine. Taught me to respect quality at a young age, he always showed me with tools to get the best you can wether that be vintage or new, taught me to clean, to oil and to preserve and learning it at a young age makes it last a lifetime. Bravo to you for wanting to start him out right! A tuner plane will lead to so much even just normal life,relationships, work whatever, you polish it and take your time things can way better than the surface might show. Good luck to you and your child’s future endeavors.

  79. cleave, square, bleed and swear
    chunks of wood and bits of you
    tired flesh, content

  81. Tools awake from sleep
    as wood becomes the witness
    substance drowns the dreams

  89. Push or pull thought school
    Japanese or western planes
    Graceful curl arise

    Or

    Plane in air or hand
    Beautifully made machine
    Functional artwork

  94. Lost to unending time,
    an art of creation keeps
    warm the press of endearing fame.

  103. Planes near perfection
    Black dog brown eyes wondering
    wood shearing surface clear

  106. ” the tree has wood
    the woodworker has a vision,
    a sharpen of the blade
    he uses steel with precision,
    to chop,saw,chisel and glue,
    a vision brought to reality
    when the day is through”
    – Dakota Burgener

  109. A need forms a plan
    Grampa’s plane, old wood, my time
    Forms emerge, craft grows

  130. Any chance this will be available for digital download from amazon or itunes? I’d like it, but I’m trying to divest myself of dvds.

  131. Plan, mark, scratch and saw.
    Cutting, carving, scraping wood
    Inlay, shellac, done

  137. stand of oak, timber
    hand wrought, with steel and love, my
    kitchen table, home

  141. Plunck your magic twainger froggy
    Andy and his gang yelled
    Let the chips fall where they may

  142. The plane I see, is it a three?
    We know it be but eleven,
    But tuned — heaven!

    1. 私は飛行機を見、それが三人組ですか？
      しかし、我々はそれが11である知っているが、
      しかしチューン – 天国！

  143. Cutting or sawing or planing
    We could not hear the sound
    Until the dovetail sang it out

  150. move frantically,

    glue spreads slowly, dries quickly

    tighten clamps. all’s well.

    My haiku describing the assembly and glue up process.

  154. Hi Chris,
    Here are the top five I could come up with. I hope you like them.

    Wood and iron meet.
    Mind and feet revel in a
    carpet of shavings.

    Extensions of hands.
    Extensions of mind and soul.
    Tools shaping ideas.

    Tools rusting away.
    Wonderful tales fade with time.
    New owner. New life.

    Fear not mighty tree,
    your usefulness and beauty
    will far outlast me.

    Father to daughter,
    grandfather to grandchildren.
    Lifetimes spanned by tools.

    Jim McCoy mctoons@nmia.com

    1. Oops! That last one was supposed to be

      Father to children,
      grandfather to grandchildren.
      Lifetimes spanned by tools.

  164. Groz planes suck smelly poo
    To make wispy wood shavings
    Buy quality tools

    Used to breathe sawdust
    Learned the old ways by hand
    Quiet peaceful work

  166. Stately tree waiting
    Fell, saw, plane, pare, join, finish
    Fine heirloom remains

    Andrew Beelen (apbeelen@altelco.net)

  170. Smell of timber. Roar.
    In the hands of a master
    Dead trees live again.

    (pganev at gmail dot com)

  171. Woodworking is our
    way to immortalize trees.
    The power we have.

    (pganev at gmail dot com)

  174. Textured, wild face
    Billowing shavings disperse
    Abruptly plane, fine

    ————————

    Brief term tool stewart
    Years journey to make worthy
    Artisan ghosts guide

    ———–

    I am an engineer. Not a poet. Want that plane! My wife/kid’s wouldn’t believe I made these attempts..

    At WIA, cut my hand on cutting gauge. Blood everywhere.. Stop it now! Quick clean it up. “If it was Christopher Schwarz’s blood it would be ok…”

  177. Even as the leaves
    of Autumn fall, I forget
    The grain runs both ways

    Robert A. Fiedler

  179. A challenge from Chris
    To write the perfect Haiku
    Fun, but difficult to judge

    (I’m stuck in 5 7 5 mode We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail last night and my brain “is a very silly place” right now. Thanks for the entertainment)

    1. Sorry, should have been:

      A challenge from Chris
      To write the perfect haiku
      Fun, but hard to judge

      (My brain hurts.)

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