Lost Art Press

Name that Hide Glue – Win Something

Posted on by Lost Art Press

It has been far too long since we held a puerile contest here on the Lost Art Press blog. And while driving home from our extended-family Mother’s Day celebration, my thoughts turned to (of course) hide glue.

I love hide glue in all its forms. I love it hot. I love it cold. I love it fresh. I hate it old.

The one thing I don’t like about hide glue is that I want more choices. There are only two brands of liquid hide glue out there: Titebond and Old Brown Glue. Both are fine glues with excellent qualities. But I think woodworkers deserve a third hide glue.

The contest: Name that hide glue.

While driving home I came up with what I thought was the most brilliant name ever for a glue made from a boiled animal. Are you sitting down? Good.

Deathgrip Hide Glue.

Aaaaaand, thank you. In the throes of personal glee I sent that idea to a few friends via SMS (aka, a text). One of them shot back with a name for hide glue that clearly eclipsed mine. I cannot, however, share it with you because it is so offensive that I just don’t have the stomach to endure the pile of hate mail that would follow.

He came up with a second one that I can print: Sticky McDeadhorse.

While not as funny, it is funny.

So here’s the contest: Give us the name of the next best hide glue by midnight May 16, 2012. The one that makes me laugh out loud the most wins one item from the Lost Art Press store. It can be anything that we currently have in stock.

All you have to do is post the proposed name of the glue and your e-mail. If you don’t send me your e-mail, I cannot contact you if you are the winner.

Bring it.

— Christopher Schwarz

333 thoughts on “Name that Hide Glue – Win Something”

    1. Ed’s entry here is my personal favorite. I might edit the product name: Old Gray Mare Hide Glue, with the tagline: “…she just ain’t what she used to be.

      All credit to Ed.

  5. “I cannot, however, share it with you because it is so offensive that I just don’t have the stomach to endure the pile of hate mail that would follow.”

    What about the hate mail for not sharing?

    Richard

    1. Hooftastic Mastic, one of my favorites after the first 266 entries.

  12. “Bring On The Horse” hide Glue
    Low price entry is “Cheap Horse” or “Two Dollar Horse”

  17. Old nag hide glue, hooves and all adhesive, Mule hide tough glue.

  29. I too have returned from a day with mother-in-law so how about
    Mother-in-law cow hide Eh um Old Mare hide

    1. I should add that a good friend calls it Horse Sauce and his bench dog helps lick up the squeeze out

    2. i should add a good friend calls it Horse Sauce, his bench dog even helps with the clean up.

  49. Colt 45 Hide Glue (comes in 40 oz containers only)

    Wilbur’s Secret Recipe

  55. Mounties Tack and Tendon

    andrew.v.cortese –at — gmail.com

  62. Just plain “Mr. Hyde Glue”. (copyright infringement not considered)

    1. Rabbit Glue, Duck Glue, Rabbit Glue, Duck Glue, Rabbit Glue, Rabbit Glue, Duck Glue!

  82. Hoofin’ It Glue; The Mane Glue; Seattle Stew Glue; Bridle Joint Glue; Gee & Haw Glue.

  87. RUB YOUR WOOD!

    “Eh, sorry about that, old friend” glue

    Nothing says “rubbin'” like an equine in the oven (more of a slogan, that, actually…)

    Your Horses Hold

    What the f#*k am I gonna do with all these dead horses? traditional hide glue

    I believe you have my email–if not, well, it’s been fun (that’s not a name proposal, btw, if it wasn’t obvious…)

  92. The folks at Gorilla Glue would have a sure fire hit with “Gorilla Hide Glue”…

    But, I am thinking of a safe glue for young girls who want to get into woodworking… “‘My Little Pony’ Glue”.

  108. You have 2 cows. One of them is dead.

    pganev at gmail.com

    Peter Ganev

    1. Some Other considerations

      Sticky End Hide Glue
      Filly Filler Hide Glue
      Guilty Conscience Hide Glue
      Puredead

  113. Hi Christopher,
    Very entertaining. When this contest has run its course, we could have another one to find a new name for nuts and screws. Surely we can improve those names too!
    Have a nice day!
    Antti

  114. Sawhorse Glue: Our horses go all in so you can glue without commitment.

  123. Goo-dah Hide Glue
    Comes in the original formulation ‘Camptown’ (“5 miles long” open time), and introducing the all-new ‘Derby’ (quicker setting). Still “Stickier Than Granma’s Pecan Pie!”

    brockenspectre@yahoo.com

  129. Road Kill Bond All
    Trigger’s Last Hold Up

    railroadloads at gee mail. dot com…

  134. Hot Dog Reject Juice
    Jurgis Rudkus’ Finest
    Nothing Except the Tail
    Foyot’s Fasten-All

    1. Now that I think about it, the perfume tack might be good. E.g., Horse Whispers.

  135. Ok. I’ll chime in with three:

    Longshot –
    It’s never a gamble when you use thoroughbred glue!

    Quarterhourse –
    It’s three quarters water and one quarterhorse!

    Steeplechase –
    Those that can, do. Those that can’t, glue!

    bpajwhite – at – gmail – dot – com

    1. “Quarterhourse –
      It’s three quarters water and one quarterhorse!”

      Love it!

  137. Wet your pants… Subcutaneous Reaffirmation
    clegendre at hotmail dot ca

  138. That’s an easy one:
    Knacker Bond: “If you can’t ride them, hide them”.

    I’m afraid some of the meaning (häuten=to skin) doesn’t translate well from the German, but at least in English this rhymes.

  140. Here are a few more ideas for your collection –
    -Run crazy horse, run and hide glue
    -Supergloop
    -Pimp my hide

    1. I forgot my tag lines…
      –From Livery to Joinery
      –When you can’t beat a dead horse, you can rub wood
      –Cooked rabbit for your rabbets
      –Hot rub for your butt joint
      –Sticky stuff for your tongue and groove

  145. Save the Whales.

    (Please pick us! My husband is dying for your book! No offense, horses.)

  148. Triple Crown Glue

    You saw them at the track, now use them in your home

    Hide Glue Silver

    Must have a mask on the label and a silver bullet stopper

    Soylent Green Glue

    From our nursing homes to you

    I need to stop waking up early……………..

  149. Pet Cemetary Hyde Glue
    From My Barn to Your Furniture Hyde Glue
    Elsie the Cow Hyde Glue
    I Died for You Hyde Glue
    Boiled My Horse Hyde Glue

  156. “Jockey’s Revenge”
    “Semi Permanent”
    “Till-It-Rains”
    Slogan: “The plowin’s done…the race is run…a better glue you shant find one.”

  159. Gluuuuue (say it like a cow)
    A Stick (tagline: what’s brown and sticky?)
    Mr. Moo
    Mr. Dead

  160. Forsaken Glue, where was PETA when I needed them.
    Pure Hide Glue, No Whinny No S*it

  162. Hide Glue – Sticks like Grim Death – The last glue you will ever need

  169. Wild Horses Couldn’t Tear It Apart Glue
    Run and Hide Glue
    A Horse of a Different Color Hide Glue

  170. They use “The Black Rooster” as the sigil for official Chianti Classico in Italy… what about “The Black Stallion” of hide glues? And if a movie was made about it, it would star Smelly Reno and Stickey Rooney. A gelatinous classic! The whole family will be glued to the screen.

  172. Horsey Sauce
    Elmare’s glue
    Galloping Glue Sauce
    Stallion Stew
    Mr. Edhesion
    — i should probably stop 🙂

  175. Hung Like a Horse Hide Glue.
    Brag to all of your friends that you’re a “Hung Like a Horse” man!

  178. Dr. Stinkhyde’s Classic Woodweld
    “When offered another brand, say neigh”
    “When it comes to glue, you can’t beat our dead horse”

  182. LoinLock. LoinLocker. BoarBond. SowSauce. BovineBond. BoarBinder. BullBinder. Eau de Mystery Meat. BoneSauce. Rigor Mortis. BoneButter.

    (From the mind of a veterinarian’s son having actual experience with animal-rendering vendors)

  188. Non-Sleipnir (a.k.a., Old Norse Horse) “When four-legged glues just won’t do.”
    Flicka Sticka
    Jockey’s Demise

    lanemartin at yahoo dot coom

    1. Cuthbert Allgood’s “Glue-Boy” (Dark Tower) was too easy…and not funny.

  191. Gene’s Champ Paste
    Trainer’s Revenge
    Calumet Clamping Juice
    Bluegrass Bonding Power

    jbrinson at citlink dot net

  194. One more:
    Brown Spunk (Lean Finely Textured Horse – LFTH)
    (from the people who brought us ‘pink slime’ )

  195. “Neigh Better” Hide Glue. The ad features a Scotsman saying “There’s neigh better!”

    (Or a Scottish horse, but that might be hard to convey. You could put a tam on him, maybe.)

    dwcom at newagrarian dot com

    1. Or, keeping with the theme,
      Taggart’s “Ol number 6” Glue.

      1. Since he punched out a horse, it’s tangentially connected. Short, simple, to the point –
        “Mongo Straight”

  202. S.C.H.W.A.R.Z. Glue
    Smelly Colloidal Hot Wood Adhesive Rendered at the Zoo

  206. 2 more:

    Hookers’ hide glue
    ‘Because keeping the skins in your attic is creepy.’

    Willie Nelson’s ‘Cowboy Romance’ hide glue.
    ‘My love ran down your leg, but now you’re gone.’

  211. King Richard III’s “That’s not at all what I wanted” Glue

  213. Sticky Palms Hide Glue
    “Nothing sticks to your wood like Sticky Palms”

  219. Seabiscuit Hide Glue
    “Getting you to the finish faster”

    Thank you, thank you very much. 🙂

  221. Dr. Trotter’s Liqufied Hide
    -or-
    Dr. Trotter’s Hide Juice

    Slogan: “Not Just a One Stick Pony!”

    jason (dot) weaver (at) me (dot) com

  223. Seabiscut Snot Glue
    or
    Giddy up Gutt Glue

    A new dovetail saw would be nice. 🙂

    vley6 (at) hotmail (dot) com

  226. Mother`s Rodent glue.
    “and you thought her stew smelt bad” (not that it smells)
    or
    “now we know what happened to fluffy”

  234. Hide-it-all glue

    Mooo-glue (With a distingushed looking white bottle with black spots and an udder shaped dispenser)

    End-of-the-rope glue (with a picture on the bottle of a horse in at a full stop with locked legs, a rope tied off the pommel and leading to a . . . .lassoed glue pot.)

    Sunset glue (with a picture on the bottle of a sunset over a desert, with black silhouettes of horses and cows, walking towards . . . the sunset.)

    HHSA glue (Which stands for Hi-Ho Silver, Away)

    -Bill (wmbeardsley@comcast.net

  244. Knackers Glue by The Old Knackery Glue Works…. “It has the balls to make anything stick…!”

  247. Triple Crown Thoroughbred Glue
    “From the winner’s circle to you!”

  249. Kentacky Dura-by……..A winner in every bottle!
    Lancaster Salvage Hide Glue…….Handmade by the Amish!

  250. Kentacky Dura-by Hide Glue…….A winner in every bottle!
    Lancaster Salvage Hide Glue…….Amish handmade work glue!

  251. Here’s a couple:

    – Uncle Roy’s Free Range Hide Glue
    -Boiled Bessey Hide Glue
    -Schwarz’s Stupendously Sticky Stuff
    -2nd Place Hide Glue: Brought to you by the losers of the Kentucky Derby

  252. From the creators of “20 Mule Team Borax” comes:

    “20 Mule Team Hyde Glue” – As stong as a team of mules because it’s made from a team of mules!

  254. 1> Dead Horse – “You Can’t Beat It!”
    2> By A Nose – “Sometimes First Place Stinks”
    3> Didn’t Show – “You Can’t See It!”
    4> Last Place – “You Don’t Have To Be Quick To Make This Stick!”
    I am a bit rushed today and don’t have time to read all previous entries. My sincere apologies to anyone I may have infringed upon. I will read them all, I promise. 🙂
    ronald.tibbs @ gmail.com

    1. Well, we can scratch #1. Looks like Doug F. beat me to it. (scratch, beat… man the horse racing and dead horse puns never end with this one)

  258. I’ve left a few myself and I have a hard time not giving Rigor Mortise its due. I like Tripebond, too. Or is that Tripebond II?
    How about “A Piece of Horse–all other hide glues are a horse a piece.”
    “Horse With No Name Glue–like the song says, it’s good to keep it out of the rain.”
    Chris, you’ll let us know if the email we need to log in to post isn’t good enough? I’m no big fan of publicly posting my email. Once you throw something out on the interwebs like that, it sticks like it’s held by … whatever this imaginary glue ends up being called.

  259. ******************
    Name: “The XXX Ranch’s Gooey Brown Pony Paste”
    Tag Line: “We keep our ponies wet and hot so you can stick yer wood together”
    ******************

    Please send all hate mail to:
    My absentee parents – Clearly this is what you get when the TV/internets raises your kids.

    Please send all prizes to:
    2u55.44 at G to the M to the A to the I to the L (.com)

    p.s. we have officially reached the end of the internets – thanks Chris.

  267. The Wonderful One Hoss Goo
    – The Deacon’s Choice, now available for your legacy projects….

  268. Uncle Noah’s Rendered Ark – Double the strength of other brands!
    or
    Godfather’s Glue – Get Stuck With a Horse’s Head.
    or
    Ned-Fast Mucilage – its loss is your gain.

    cheers,
    burbidge@iinet.net.au

  270. Track to Crack Hide Glue
    Stubborn Mule Hide Glue
    Fine Equine Hide Glue
    Pack Mule Potion Hide Glue
    Hind Quarter Hide Glue
    Swayback Solution Hide Glue

  271. 1) “Wasn’t me!”
    2) “Dang, what’s that smell?”
    3) “Crap!”
    4) “What in God’s name are you doing out here?”
    5) “Fartin’ an’ Fixin'”
    mctoons@nmia.com

  275. “Equine Epoxy”
    or
    “Carpe Ligna” made by Dead Horses Society
    c2.av8r(at)gmail.com

  278. Follow up to Rigor Mortise (Rigour Mortice in the UK): other glues merely stick. Rigor Mortise actually SETS IN!

  284. a. vegan glue– made with pure, free-range, vegan horses (green-washing at it’s finest)
    b. liquid lariat
    c. hooves holdfast
    d. collagen cream
    e. hoof & hide helping hands

    email: joel.wakeman(at)gmail.com

  285. Dead Dog “For a lasting hold, dip a dallop of dead dog”
    Dog and Pony Adhesives, for the best show on earth.
    Old Horse “cough cough, Hey there Flicka, your looking a little hoarse, but don’t worry, you’ve got a great future in Old Horse Hide Glue”
    Sticky Pony
    Pony Express, for when it absolutely positively HAS to be glued overnight.
    Racehorse “We only use the fastest horses for the fastest bonding hide glue in the world. Racehorse, made from champion racehorses.”

  286. We understand he was more than just a horse. He was your constant companion for many years. You rode the range together. Now you can keep his memory alive in your next great furniture build. With Forever Friends Hide Glue, your daily seat in the saddle can become your soft place to land at the end of the day. We take pride in being able to commemorate the good times you shared together in this unique way.

  288. The Stalion Stick. Exclusively sold in our unique stick format with graduated markings on the product, stallion stick makes it easy to measure the right amount of glue for your application.

    Golden Goose Goo- Recent studies have found that glue made from goose skin is almost 2 times as tacky in colder temperatures as a similar product made from horse hide. Trust Golden Goose Goo for when you cant afford to worry about your projects going south for the winter.

  289. Now offering out largest Stalion Stick ever. The bigger your stick, the better your stuck.

  292. Mr. Ed’s Hot Pots
    Boiled Cow
    Running Horse
    Stink, Stank, Stunk
    Sticky Lips
    Sticky Fingers (okay so the Stones beat me too it)
    Hoof and Mouth
    Hot Off the Hoof
    White Hands
    Slap Stick
    Peta
    Runny Skin
    Hot Goo
    Stiff Jello
    All Natural Sheep Skin
    Moo.
    Gap Fill

  293. Well I’m going to get buried, but in the tradition of old brown hid glue:

    Next Best Hide Glue

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