The 10 Most Popular ‘Peasant’ Posts

You probably know that I have another blog (but I promise I am not cheating on you). This one is called a “substack” and is titled “The American Peasant.” It’s about my efforts at writing my next book, but it is also a place where I shank the crap we are force fed. And I use bad words.

On Friday, the substack reached 10,000 total subscribers. Is that good? Don’t know. Plus we have almost 2,000 paid subscribers (I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you these numbers, but oh well).

So I did a thing that is probably not economically wise. I took the 10 most popular posts that I wrote for paid subscribers and made them free. So you can now check in on what the heck I’m doing at substack, which I keep misspelling as “substache.”

If anything, here’s some questionable Sunday-morning reading to go with your coffee. If you want to subscribe, click here (they make me type that). About one-third of the posts are free, with the rest behind a paywall. I’ve also included one juicy/warning blurb from each entry.

1. Perfection Can Suck It. “You don’t need me to tell you that a good portion of the woodworking you see on the internet is bullshit. One-hundred percent certified Grade-A Extruded Garden Gnome Meat.”
2. The Price of a Chair & a Life. “How do you thank someone who saves your life? I thought about it for a long time, and I cannot think of anything else I make that is more personal than a chair. It is a reflection of the human body, and it has parts with many of the same names: feet, legs, seat, arms, hands and back.”
3. Why Would Anyone Write a Book? “But finally, I discovered why I keep writing books. The reason is this: I’d write them even if they never got published. I’d buy a used mimeograph machine, and after getting stupidly high on the blue ink, I’d print out a few copies and hawk them at the local woodworking club. I’d secretly press them into the hands of woodworkers perusing the sharpening section at Woodcraft.”
4. The Jig Economy is a Scam. “I carry the skills and knowledge wherever I want to go without packing a container full of wacky jigs and micrometers and spring-loaded marfy-garts. And I have a lot more money in my pocket for beer and schnitzel that didn’t go to the Anodized Aluminum and Star Knob Guys.”
5. A Reverence for <Bleep>. “You could be the next <insert woodworking celebrity here>,” they said, “if you would just show real reverence for the craft. You know, respect for its traditions and history.” “You mean, I should stop making jokes about farts and open sores?” I replied.

6. The Spell is Complete. “I thought I was going to cry a bit. But then I hiccupped and peed my pants instead.”
7. Write Stressed; Edit Naked. “I promise that none of this stuff will be revealed to you when you are in your underwear in a motel room in South Dakota – trying to just write shit down. There you’ll find only water stains in the bathroom that look like Jesus and weird deer freezers filled with alien vegetables.”
8. What’s a Modern Peasant to do? “On the drive back to Kentucky I ran the numbers in my head. Rural land in Kentucky is about $8,000 an acre. I’d probably need about five to 10 acres to do this project right. The cost of the timber-frame structure plus some improvements would be another $8,000. I’d need a second similar structure to sleep and cook in. “Yes, I thought, I could afford this.”

9. The Religion is Nature; The Philosophy is Geometry. “Dude, it’s all woodworking, and it’s all awesome. If you make stuff from wood with your feet or with a laser, you are solid in my book. All the tools and ways of working are valid as long as you aren’t feeding small children into the hopper of your meat-powered scratch awl.”
10. It Kills Writers & Woodworkers. “Create a new sexual fluid. Where does it come from and how does it affect society?”

— Christopher Schwarz