Caption Challenge – Valentine’s Version

Circa 1615, BnF Gallica.

Calling all witty and wise-crackin’ woodworkers! It’s time for a new Caption Challenge. This challenge will run until midnight Monday, Feb. 17 EDT. Chris Schwarz will send the winner a prize (Editor’s note: It’s a T-shirt of your choosing).

The caption can be a one-liner, a poem, a limerick – inject some love into the equation. Just keep it clean as per the blog rules (although the sonnet that originally accompanied the engraving was anything but clean).

Valentine’s Day can be a fraught-filled time, so as a public service (and musical interlude) I’ll answer some commonly asked questions:

”Saucy, I just broke up, and I’m feeling kinda low right now. I just can’t caption.” Answer: Sometimes love hurts and love doesn’t always fit in the little heart-shaped boxes we make. Whether we want them to or not, feelings linger. Embrace your pain and when you are done wallowing, get back out there!

”Saucy, I want to win this challenge, but first I need to get back together with my valentine. For months now she runs every time I see her and won’t answer my calls, texts or emails.” Answer: Are you a creep ? Don’t be a creep.

”Saucy, we’ve lost that lovin’ feeling. Any suggestions?” Answer: wine and Barry White.

Suzanne Ellison

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103 Responses to Caption Challenge – Valentine’s Version

  1. Steve Nicholson says:

    I told you it was wider than the doorway!

    Like

  2. Greg Betit says:

    There once was a sawyer from Bruges
    Who knew that ripping lumber took two
    So he enlisted his lady
    As the pitman- was he crazy?
    She did it for love, that is true.

    Like

  3. gbetit says:

    There once was a sawyer from Bruges
    Who knew that ripping lumber took two
    So he enlisted his lady
    As the pitman- was he crazy?
    She did it for love, that is true.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Derrell Sloan says:

    She’s a keeper

    Like

  5. Hilton says:

    When I saw her face…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Eric R says:

    “Just think how this’ll bring that girlish figure back”
    (As he’s ducking a rock launched from below…)

    Like

  7. Ron Michaelsen says:

    She loves me this much!

    Like

  8. Steven Vlahos says:

    ‘Ahh that’s better. At least now I can see your cleavage. Happy Valentine’s Day!’

    Like

  9. Simon-Nette Bolton says:

    So, what’s for dinner tonight luv?

    Like

  10. If you love someone, dig them a pit.

    He does not have her back.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. flyandgrain says:

    “Listen, you’re the one who says we never do anything together any more. Well, here we are, doing things together”

    Like

  12. James Arrington says:

    That’s what she said last night

    Like

  13. Worst first date ever!

    Like

  14. Leif Hansen says:

    Jimmy Diresta and April Wilkerson at “Ye Olde Makers Meet-up”.

    Like

  15. Bill Bowman says:

    “No,” he said, “I’ll pull and YOU push!!!”

    Like

  16. Glenn Ingram, Jr says:

    Last picture before the divorce: “But honey, our therapist did say we should plan an activity for just the two of us.”

    Glenn Ingram

    Like

  17. disneytodd says:

    Honestly it’s only a little warm up before Cupid arrives for the valentines day festivity’s….

    Like

  18. Brian Crawley says:

    When Herr Sawyer, his pit filled with shit saw,
    He built two horses rather than quit saw.
    His wife took a pass at
    One-upping the ass hat
    Sawing beam horse and spouse with his pitsaw.
    He’d been thoughtless, dyspeptic
    And neglected his septic
    So the neighbors who chose to acquit saw.

    Like

  19. This is not what Martha had in mind when John asked her if he could be on top…

    Like

  20. Jonathan Hershey says:

    Couples Pit Sawing — the world’s oldest form of birth control.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Marshall says:

    Let’s switch places.

    Like

  22. Josiah Guzik says:

    Him: “‘I would not wish any companion in the world but you'” (The Tempest – Act 3, Scene 1).

    Her: “‘Alas, that love, so gentle in his view, Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof’” (Romeo & Juliet – Act 1, Scene 1).

    Like

  23. Andrew says:

    ‘Wine woman and saw-n’
    ‘Go forth and multi-ply’

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Brent Richardson says:

    The family that saws together stays together.

    Like

  25. garrick vogt says:

    the answer to the eternal riddle of just what Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love

    Like

  26. Matt Kollar says:

    (Panting): YOU SURE THIS WILL HOLD YOUR MOTHER!?
    (Also Panting): I DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD A BROTHER!?

    Like

  27. Jeffrey George says:

    This living off the grid isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    Like

  28. There once was a lady from Nice
    Who knew how to set a saw’s teeth
    She brought her new beau
    To her pit saw to show
    She knew how to work from beneath

    Liked by 2 people

  29. There once was une femme named Brigitte
    Whom every homme wanted to meet
    She took each to the pit
    And made the men rip
    To see who’d be best under her sheet

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Kevin Almeyda says:

    And no one had the heart to tell them that they were sawing on the wrong side of the line.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Martyn says:

    “If you loved me you’d let me go on top”.

    Thinks ” I wonder if I still get flowers when I let him saw through the trestle”

    Jill Thinks “after this, when we go up the hill for water, I’m going to smash Jack’s damn head in and make it look like an accident”

    This is not what I expected when you said “come and help me with my massive wood you can spend the afternoon pulling on a large tool”.

    Like

  32. “On Valentine’s Day you can be on top. ‘Til then I would suggest you keep your mouth closed.”

    Like

  33. Kim says:

    Nice pull stroke babe… have you done this before? Never mind… please be my Valentine

    Like

  34. mjstauss says:

    “We met on Timber.”

    Liked by 3 people

  35. greenebelly says:

    It at that moment, when the last piece of cut wooden fiber went down her blouse that Karen made up her mind. “ Someday by GOD, women will be on top!” She quietly contemplated to her self. 🧐🤭🤫😂

    Liked by 1 person

  36. mustelo says:

    She’s pining for him.

    Like

  37. John Kunstman says:

    The couple that plays with wood together,
    Stay together.

    Hey sweetie, is that wood for me?

    He is clealry compinsating, with that huge timber.

    Like

  38. Dan says:

    “You know what they say, big sawhorses, big wood…”

    Like

    • Dan says:

      because nothing’s funnier than editing a joke 20 minutes after you make it, “you know what they say, the taller the sawhorse, the harder the wood,”

      Like

  39. redtractors1 says:

    Her- “Why can’t we just go to IKEA and buy a new bed already to put together?!”

    Like

  40. Andrew says:

    You can bottom next time.

    Like

  41. Matt says:

    In sawing, as in love, Hans prefers to be on top.

    Like

  42. dpcrow says:

    Sometimes the work of splitting the assets is enough to keep couples together.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Keith says:

    I promise, dear, as soon as we have a son and he’s grown a bit, he will be my pitman. Until then, I need to be up here to follow the line. When will supper be ready?

    Like

  44. Pascal Teste says:

    Sorry George, the Drag Queen show went long last night and I didn’t have a chance to change. It’s fine Brad, I always loved you for who you are, not for how you look. Happy valentine’s day!

    Like

  45. Kirby Kroon says:

    This is not what I thought you meant when you said “New furniture for Vaentine’s Day!”

    Like

  46. Kirby Kroon says:

    “This is not what I thought you meant when you said “New furniture for Valentine’s Day?”

    Like

  47. Patrick M. says:

    ” I never promised you a rose garden. What I promised was an arbor for a rose garden.”

    Like

  48. John says:

    On sawhorse bed, they push-pull-stroke/
    Along the beam of girthy oak./
    He above; her below./
    Up-down they go and go,/
    Until sawyers are sawdust-soaked.

    Like

  49. …You can do it put your back into it
    I can do it put your ass into it
    Put your back into it
    Put your ass into it…

    Credit: Ice Cube

    Like

  50. Michael says:

    “Stick chair?”

    Like

  51. Bob (10 Fingers) Brown says:

    Great woodworkers cast large shadows!

    Honey, don’t you think the table legs are a tad long?

    It’s so easy when the rake and fleam are perfect.

    Jeremia, is this most efficient way of making firewood?

    Like

  52. Mike Siemsen says:

    I above
    She below
    she begs me take it slow
    Each thrust brings us closer to the end
    Sweat upon our bodies forms in rivulets
    As we move in unison
    Until she cries with ecstasy
    It is finished!
    Lunch!

    Liked by 2 people

  53. Joe Schmo says:

    “Don’t worry my dearest! After this we’ll go on that romantic horseback ride you desired! I know two stout steeds that will do perfectly.” (Looks down at saw horses)

    Like

  54. Mark D. Baker says:

    The ‘woodblock print’ , shows a woman and the ‘hard work’ side of the ‘resaw’ where she would have had the major work needed to cut the log. Not a realist view. Pit saws and re-saws worked with the ‘man on top’ steering the cut and drawing it back up for the next power cut of the worker below. Not Woman’s work at all.

    Like

  55. Tony Still says:

    How about a haiku?

    “I’ve got wood,” he said.
    “and I want to be on top.”
    “Why are you so mad?”

    Liked by 1 person

  56. YeOldeAng says:

    Down Through The Ages: Historical evidence of men, filthy scoundrels we may be, working shamelessly hard to get even the slightest peek of the bountiful promise beneath the blouse of our fairer halves.

    Like

  57. Matthew Buntyn says:

    Valentine’s gift? I said “We saw this one, rift.”

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Bryce says:

    Just need one more 1-by-8 to finish the new cabinet.

    Like

  59. Toolnut says:

    “Well, if you had a proper dowry we wouldn’t have to make our own furniture now would we?”

    Like

  60. Ralph says:

    There once was a man from Southwick
    Whose wood was six inches too thick
    With a young lass on the ground
    They stroked up and down
    And together they made it fit quick.

    Like

  61. ralphsyv says:

    There once was a man from Southwick
    Whose wood was six inches too thick
    With a young lass on the ground
    They stroked up and down
    And together they made it fit quick.

    Like

  62. There once was a man from Nantucket
    Made his spouse work to save them a ducat
    She started giving him strife
    To which he replied, “Dear wife,
    Would you PLEASE shut up and just buck it?”

    Like

  63. John Koenig says:

    🎶 I cut down trees, I wear high heels
    Suspendies and a bra
    I wish I’d been a girlie, just like my dear Papa 🎶

    Like

  64. mjstauss says:

    When arguments left them quite tender,
    the couple would turn to their timber.
    The joy of shared work,
    Had a curious perk:
    The wood would rekindle love’s ember.

    Like

  65. mjstauss says:

    Though many will think of the timber,
    As symbol for everyman’s member,
    Her eye-level glance,
    Is below the pants…
    Her fetish is feet, do remember.

    Like

  66. George stephens says:

    The rhythm method

    Like

  67. David says:

    “Verily I did think me that ‘Two more hands for thy hard wood’ had a more pleasant aspect!”

    Like

  68. Brian McGann says:

    But your on the bottom because I love you!

    Like

  69. Roger Dold says:

    The calendar round we look after our chores.
    To Saint Valentine’s my eyes were set.
    With my lass I’d take us both to the woods
    In a trice, our passion would soon be met.

    To her I proffered my love all day.
    Through yon forest did we stroll.
    I spoke sweet bits in her ear, hoping we may
    About the hay take a roll.

    Sharing love’s toils, she helped with the felling.
    I sat and admired her charm.
    She dragged the log back my city dwelling,
    My thoughts aflutter and warm.

    Now give and take tis what our love is about,
    Though an old saw, tis true.
    So, upon the trestle I pushed, she pulled. Without doubt,
    Tis a labor for two.

    As the end of our day was coming nigh,
    With her cookery my love did her bit.
    Quaffing a lager I sat acouch with a sigh,
    Then to our repast did we sit.

    Now sated, with an eye to the concealing hours,
    On my tired love, my arms entwined about.
    But alas! I had forgotten to purchase the flowers,
    So with scorn she threw me out.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. David Olson says:

    But Honey, just remember how much money we’re saving by doing this ourselves — and now we OWN the saw!

    Like

  71. Mark Stone says:

    “Why am I always on the downside?”

    Like

  72. Tod Harrison says:

    “I envisioned something else when you suggested we build something beautiful together!”

    Like

  73. Bob (10 Fingers) Brown says:

    Land O Goshen Ebeneezer, that Japanese pull saw you bought me for Valentine’s Day works like a charm!

    Like

  74. I knew when I first saw you, we wood be together

    Like

  75. bedrock608 says:

    What did you think I meant when I said we would saw some wood my dear valentine??

    Like

  76. James says:

    Top sawyer: “Steve, you know I think you’re a fun guy….”
    Steve [exasperated]: “I just lost a bet, that’s all. Now stop looking down my bodice!”

    Like

  77. Joel says:

    NASA gets into everything. Just like the moonshot they faked this guy cutting this beam . Any good carpenter worth his salt knows you would fall off that beam because it is not supported, also he doesn’t have a shadow on the ground like the lady. This proves that NASA faked this because there is know butt landing.

    Like

  78. Jacob Jantzen says:

    Up, no wait, down, no no up, no down oh yeah right there?

    Like

  79. lexxluthier says:

    Teamwork makes the beam work.

    Like

  80. Alex Webster says:

    Oh you are a classy dame
    If only I could recall your name
    But there is but one thing I adore
    For Tis your beautiful frame…….saw.

    Like

  81. Dan says:

    Get in the pit, my dear ole Nance
    The top is mine, with you there’s no chance
    You’ve got the bloomers, I’ve got the pants.

    Like

  82. Dan says:

    “Now get in the pit and try to love someone” Kid Rock, Bawitdaba

    Like

  83. Robin Wenger says:

    I swear, if you say “stroke it gently” one more time I will pull you off!

    Like

  84. Nick says:

    “Move to the city she said, marry a city man she said, life is easier in the city…you were wrong mom”

    Like

  85. Andrew says:

    ‘Until death they do part’

    Like

  86. Steve P says:

    “Trust me Betsy, its a new fad called the Framesaw Booty, and it will surely bringeth all the boys to thine yard”

    Like

  87. Timothy Gray says:

    Him “I hope you like the jewelry box I’m going to make you for Valentines Day hon.”
    Her “jewelry box? I thought your were making me a new bed!”

    Like

  88. twilson57 says:

    My love for you is like a bow saw,
    sharp and tense.
    My love for you is like a timber beam,
    True and unbent.

    My love for you is like a saw horse,
    Strong and secure.
    My love is all these things,
    And like iron it will endure.

    Sawdust is sexy
    And so are thee.
    Tis that a Mortiser in your pocket,
    Or are you just happy to see me?

    Like

  89. John West says:

    Being married to him is the pits.

    Like

  90. neufooz says:

    “What’s that Martha? No cutting remarks?

    Like

  91. Mama Squirrel says:

    “We will just cut the tip off…what do you mean you will do the same to me later?”

    Like

  92. Nate Guyton says:

    Are you pulling or pushing up there?!?

    Like

  93. Rudy Everts says:

    „Arbeit macht frei, honey!“

    Like

  94. Dan says:

    Valentine’s Day accident when young man diverts his gaze from the kerf in the wood to the kerf in the blouse of his fellow Sawyer causing him to step beyond the balance point bringing certain disaster.

    Like

  95. John Galvin says:

    “Backbreaking, I know. But stick with it and I’ll let you do the sanding.”

    Like

  96. Gav says:

    I didn’t ask him because I loved him, I didn’t ask for him to drop dead either you know.

    Like

  97. Bob (10 Fingers) Brown says:

    25 years that we’ve been wed.
    The 14th of the 2nd month is nigh.
    Without lament you have swung an axe,
    carried a bucket and born a child.
    You have lifted me to share your dreams.
    Now this dude must abide.
    For the coming 25 years, will you stay my Bride?

    Like

  98. Robin Wenger says:

    He said he was sharp,
    And he said he was strong,
    And he said she’d be glad if she got ’im;
    But she had a doubt,
    It was no cause to shout,
    When he said she could be on the bottom.

    Like

  99. shopsweeper says:

    CYRANO (imperturbably): Is that all? Ah no! young blade!

    Modern: We got matched up on JoyNtr.

    Hopeful: I bring all my first dates here because the kerf makes me look skinny.

    Saucy: Its more work on top but less messy.

    Punishing: I love her so much that I cantilever.

    Musical: I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep a close watch on this saw of mine. Becase you’re mine, I cut the line.

    HR: Her last boss made her work in a pit!

    Like

  100. thomas c eno says:

    Before I got married by law
    I took the advice of my paw
    Tho’ she’s smart and she’s pretty
    And be ever so fit she
    Should excel at the end of the saw.

    Like

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