A Blonde Review of ‘The Anarchist’s Tool Chest’

OK, so, I get to review this book now with my own font and everything. First of all I had to ask this cute guy I know he’s tall with long brown hair and blue eyes and wears these great jeans what anarchy means. Tools and a chest I got well I don’t really have them but you know what I mean. So I asked Chad, the cute guy, what does anarchy mean. He said he likes it when I ask him stuff because I make him laugh. He is soooo cute when his laughs his teeth are just perfect. Anyway, I said, Chad what does anarchy mean? And he said anarchy. I said yeah, what does it mean, anarchy. No, he says, anarchy. That’s what I said, anarchy. No, its AN-AR-KEY, not AN-AR-CHEE. Are you sure because everybody knows CH is like CH in church. No, Chad said this word is Greek and CH is like K. This book is not Greek I told him because it is written in English ! I hate it when people try to trick me. I still like Chad anyway.

So this book is about a guy named Christopher Schwarz but there is no picture of him in the book so I can’t tell if he is cute or not so I’ll just call him Chris. He is from Arkansas and he likes to build stuff. I didn’t follow everything he says about anarchy except he seemed to be kind of mad and a little sad. I was sorry to read about his father’s house falling down that made me cry and my mascara ran. Chad said I looked like a raccoon. Chris had a lot of stuff but he was sad, then he got rid of a lot of stuff and that made him happy. Huh? I’m glad he is happy because it took him about 500 pages to get there. Of course I didn’t read all 500 pages because why would I? That would take months, so I just skimmed over the tool stuff. I did learn a new word: rasp. I have no idea what that means but I like to say it. Chad told me to stop saying it so much. RASP.

There are a couple of fashion questions I have and one fact that needs to be corrected. Chris mentions his bathing suit area. What area is the area of the bathing suit area? He also mentions a soviet bathing suit. Are they really good and where can I get one? Then there is the crack about tube tops being user friendly. Just what do you mean Chris? And what kind of girls are you hanging out with?

The fact that needs to be corrected is about pooping cupcakes. Not just anyone can poop cupcakes, only unicorns can do that, duh.

This is probably a good book but I wouldn’t know. I did like the the picture of the cat under the table but Chris didn’t write the name of the cat. I also liked that you can have unicorns carved on the side of the tool chest if you want. OMG I chipped a nail I have to go!

— Suzanne Ellison, your faithful indexer, who is a blonde and wanted to amuse herself